Possibly my favorite classical character is Dr. Faustus. I admit having only read Christopher Marlowe’s version, yet the character of a melancholic scholar appeals to me. He sold his soul to Lucifer to make love to the ghost of Helen of Troy. This is the best of both worlds — desperation and wit.

CHORUS.
     Thus the heavenly beauty of Helen of Troy
     Did renown her as ‘the face that launched a thousand ships.’

FAUSTUS.
    Haha I ejaculated on that face.

I’m not worried about colleges and SAT scores because we’re going to die from global warming soon either way. 82 degrees in my room and it’s almost November. I think now is a good time to start playing that one R.E.M. song.