Yes, it’s that time again. I always keep a text file where I paste the funniest, smartest, and/or stupidest conversations I encounter while Instant Messaging. Well, every once in a while I reset that file and post the best quotes here. This started a while ago when going through the ritual of discussing our logs with Mike, I decided that some of the things said were brilliant, yet bash.org would never approve them. That is when I decided to post them on my website. You can use the search field on the bottom to check out previous conversation anthology posts.
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A discussion evoked by my complaint about the upstairs neighbors vacuuming a solid hardwood floor. I questioned the reasoning behind such an action, and it got to this:

(01:41:50 PM) Paul: ever heard of mopping the floor?
(01:42:13 PM) Asian Mike: thats so old fashioned
(01:42:29 PM) Asian Mike: plus it mite leek thro the wood
(01:43:03 PM) Paul: and?
(01:43:14 PM) Asian Mike: lol, it sucks if ur under it
(01:43:33 PM) Paul: who do you keep under your floor?
(01:43:43 PM) Paul: you’re cruel
(01:43:48 PM) Asian Mike: no dude
(01:44:00 PM) Asian Mike: do u live in an apartment?
(01:44:05 PM) Paul: yes
(01:44:17 PM) Asian Mike: well if theyre on the top floor and ur on the botton
(01:44:27 PM) Asian Mike: its not a good idea 4 them 2 put ater on the floor
(01:44:35 PM) Paul: yes it is
(01:44:53 PM) Asian Mike: its gonna leak thro into the bottom apartment
(01:45:08 PM) Paul: I mean like maybe it’s not too smart to pour 4 buckets of water on the floor
(01:45:29 PM) Paul: you do realize there’s a concrete layer under the hardwood
(01:45:34 PM) Asian Mike: nope

A classic requiring no comment. The % sign means out of 113.98, stupid.

(11:10:21 PM) Paul: it got 7% on rotten tomatoes
(11:10:44 PM) Daniel: lol out of 100?

You won’t believe me if I tell you that I take AP Calculus with this kid.

(09:47:28 PM) Justin K.: yo
(09:47:28 PM) Paul (AUTO-REPLY): (06:27:34 PM) %n: paul is sex
(06:27:41 PM) %n: <33
(10:06:48 PM) Justin K. has signed off.

Next day...

(02:59:31 PM) Justin K.: wat thef uk was that gay away message for yesterday
(02:59:42 PM) Paul: what gay away message?
(03:00:04 PM) Justin K.: u put like jk8019: paul is sex
(03:00:14 PM) Paul: lol
(03:01:10 PM) Paul: did you know that if you go on dictionary.com and search for "gullible," it's going to say "the word 'gullible' cannot be found in the dictionary"
(03:02:00 PM) Justin K.: ok
(03:02:12 PM) Justin K.: but wat does that have to do wit me

He got me.

(08:00:28 PM) Justin: U DONT EVEN HAVE CABLE U LITHUANIAN
(08:01:24 PM) Paul: I MIGHT NOT HAVE CABLE BUT I HAVE A JOB
(08:01:39 PM) Justin: I MIGHT NOT HAVE A JOB BUT I HAVE SEX
(08:01:48 PM) Justin: GOT EM

Dicks like me are the reason why we can’t have great speeds on bittorrent.

(01:57:37 PM) Paul: I’m sooo about to get banned from this tracker
(01:57:40 PM) Aida: lol
(01:57:40 PM) Aida: why
(01:57:52 PM) Paul: Uploaded 424.98 MB Downloaded 15.59 GB Share ratio 0.026
(01:58:08 PM) Paul: excessive leeching
(01:58:13 PM) Aida: lol wow
(01:58:14 PM) Aida: holy crap
(01:58:37 PM) Paul: Join date 2007-11-03 16:42:51 (4 days ago)
(01:58:40 PM) Aida: .LOL

And finally, Mike’s ingenious plan of revenge in case his company decides to fire him for not showing up to work for a month.

(04:29:52 PM) Mike M.: and come on, I’m their webmaster
(04:30:02 PM) Mike M.: the URL is on every flyer
(04:30:32 PM) Mike M.: I can change it.. Neighborhood Outreach.. For all your neighborhood rape fantasies